I went to a mega church today in Cincinnati, and surprisingly I was intrigued with both the message and the tons of people/soda/and coffee, all of which was for free. The guy who gave the sermon talked about walking with the Spirit and what that means. There was a point in the sermon where he lead us in individual prayer. He prompted us to close our eyes and think about the Spirit as we get up in the mornings, as we go to work, as we get home, and in all that we do. But before we even started all of this he said something I haven't heard before. He said when we pray it's ok for your mind to wonder—sometimes that's just the Spirit leading you to thoughts you should think about. And maybe he had a point. As I prayed and thought through my routine of a day, one thing kept coming back into my head. Worry. I'm not saying all the time, but a lot of the time, I live my life for tomorrow. I look forward to or worry about what's coming tomorrow, or next week, or come May. As I sat in that dark auditorium, I started to think about my future yes, but about today more than anything. What good is a future, if you're not living for today.
One thing people always say about working here is that these kids and this culture knows how to do just that—live in the moment. God doesn't call us to worry. In fact, Francis Chan will be forever engrained in my mind when he said that worrying just says to God that I think I'm bigger than Him—that I think I can handle, and have the power to affect things in my life. But that's just it, I'm don't. No matter how hard I try to control things, or no matter how hard I worry, nothing stops. Time keeps going and God keeps working.
I didn't really come to any conclusions sitting in that auditorium today, but it did make me think. God's pushing me to let go. To let Him do His thing. He's pushing me to live in the here and now and to leave everything else up to Him. Even writing this is hard for me to take in, but I know that my mind didn't wonder on purpose this morning.
Matthew 6:30—But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown in the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Back...and God's already at work
You know it was great to take some time to get away, to relax, and refocus on what it is I'm doing with my life. Around Christmas, despite all the good that was being done, and all the love that was being shared at the center, I found myself falling into routine. I got up in the morning, taught until the afternoon, had after-school, went home for the night, planned for the next day, slept, then started all over. And I'm not saying routine is bad, for me, it just got to the point where I really had to stop and think about my purpose.
Last week one of my middle school girls came into class and said she had some really important information to tell me. Now let me preface this news with this. I used to utterly shutter before this particular class of 8th graders. They had attitude galore and were not afraid to tell me what they thought or just flat-out ignore anything I had to say or ask them to do. The girls would chuckle and snicker with her friends, all the while giving me these looks. I'd heard she was one of those girls who did what she wanted, was a good student, but also could stab you in the back, or talk trash about you at the drop of a hat. So let's just say our relationship didn't start out on the best terms. I was trying to establish some sense of authority and control and she just wasn't going to have it. But as the semester progressed, somehow, we became closer. Slowly they all started listening a little bit more. I think for this particular girl it all turned around after that night my roommates and I took her and another student to the movies. But anyways back to the news, she came in really excited and said she had become a Christian the night before. She briefly went on to explain that she was praying and this time, for once, it felt real. She started to think over all that she had heard from Shepherd during Bible class or devotions and just let God into her life. This news, despite all the homework that needed to be handed in, or the reading/lessons that needed to be done in class, just warmed me.
The rest of the day I just kept going back to her description and thinking about what she said about how God is real and she knows it. She's thirteen and she came to this herself, an individual acceptance of what God has done for her. I was inspired. I texted her later that day, I wanted to be encouraging. But I also know it's never easy to change your life around, alone.
Last night we started a one-on-one Bible study. I was, and still am, so intrigued and encouraged by her thirst to get into God's word. She kept saying she's so excited to learn with me. I started the night off just asking her questions about God and where she was at and where she had been prior to Tuesday. She answered vaguely so I took a step. I told her my "story" and slowly she started opening up.
My perception of my kids, is well idealized. And I've known this and was told this from the beginning, that there is a lot going on in the lives of our kids that, culturally they just don't share. Last night this all became my reality. She shared things with me that have been happening all year, right under my nose. Big things that no 13-year-old should ever have to worry about, at least for another ten years. She shared how she knows God now and how in her head she knows he'll forgive her for things she's ashamed of,but how she personally is struggling with that. And haven't we all been there. I feel so drawn to this girl, I want so much just to come along side of her and help her grow and find out just how amazing God is.
This one girl broke me out of my routine. She has made me so thankful for the God we have and the love he has for each and every one of us. One day God will use her story to influence millions, I can feel it!
Last week one of my middle school girls came into class and said she had some really important information to tell me. Now let me preface this news with this. I used to utterly shutter before this particular class of 8th graders. They had attitude galore and were not afraid to tell me what they thought or just flat-out ignore anything I had to say or ask them to do. The girls would chuckle and snicker with her friends, all the while giving me these looks. I'd heard she was one of those girls who did what she wanted, was a good student, but also could stab you in the back, or talk trash about you at the drop of a hat. So let's just say our relationship didn't start out on the best terms. I was trying to establish some sense of authority and control and she just wasn't going to have it. But as the semester progressed, somehow, we became closer. Slowly they all started listening a little bit more. I think for this particular girl it all turned around after that night my roommates and I took her and another student to the movies. But anyways back to the news, she came in really excited and said she had become a Christian the night before. She briefly went on to explain that she was praying and this time, for once, it felt real. She started to think over all that she had heard from Shepherd during Bible class or devotions and just let God into her life. This news, despite all the homework that needed to be handed in, or the reading/lessons that needed to be done in class, just warmed me.
The rest of the day I just kept going back to her description and thinking about what she said about how God is real and she knows it. She's thirteen and she came to this herself, an individual acceptance of what God has done for her. I was inspired. I texted her later that day, I wanted to be encouraging. But I also know it's never easy to change your life around, alone.
Last night we started a one-on-one Bible study. I was, and still am, so intrigued and encouraged by her thirst to get into God's word. She kept saying she's so excited to learn with me. I started the night off just asking her questions about God and where she was at and where she had been prior to Tuesday. She answered vaguely so I took a step. I told her my "story" and slowly she started opening up.
My perception of my kids, is well idealized. And I've known this and was told this from the beginning, that there is a lot going on in the lives of our kids that, culturally they just don't share. Last night this all became my reality. She shared things with me that have been happening all year, right under my nose. Big things that no 13-year-old should ever have to worry about, at least for another ten years. She shared how she knows God now and how in her head she knows he'll forgive her for things she's ashamed of,but how she personally is struggling with that. And haven't we all been there. I feel so drawn to this girl, I want so much just to come along side of her and help her grow and find out just how amazing God is.
This one girl broke me out of my routine. She has made me so thankful for the God we have and the love he has for each and every one of us. One day God will use her story to influence millions, I can feel it!
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